Welcome to the House of Cheese!

The US Government wants to encourage its citizens to lose weight, since American obesity is causing the US landmass to sink, and is forcing Boeing to add more engines to their planes.  Yet a marketing arm of the United States Department of Agriculture has provided funding and resources for Domino’s Pizzas to produce pizzas with 40% more cheese, and paid for a $12 million ad campaign to help them sell more of these cheese mountains.

It’s as if one stomach doesn’t know what the other stomach is doing.

This USDA organization, a conglomeration of dairy producers called Dairy Management, is like a wolf in cow’s clothing.  Among their recent achievements is the construction of the World’s Biggest Ball of String Cheese, which can be seen from space.

So while on the one hand, the government wants us to eat healthier foods with less saturated fat and fewer calories, on the other hand they want us to pile on the cheese, and wolf down those very things that we shouldn’t be eating…?

According to a New York Times article, a slice of the “new and improved” Domino’s pizza with this extra cheese contains about two-thirds of the recommended daily amount of saturated fat.  Eat more!  No, eat less!  No, wait!  I meant EAT MORE!

Domino’s research reveals that Americans would eat virtually anything if it was covered in melted cheese.

Your Government wants to help you – well, even more so if you are a dairy business or cheese product manufacturer – so you should go quickly to a new restaurant, located in a cave in Missouri…

Welcome to the House of Cheese®!

Here at the House of Cheese, you can order any kind of cheese you wish, in any quantity, and if you so desire, you can order it with a variety of unnecessary but somewhat enhancing side dishes such as: pizza crust, crackers, bread, or our personal favorite, more cheese!

In addition, we want our customers to be happy, so you can have it served however you wish: bowl, plate, silver salver, or in a paper cone.

Here are a few of our specialties you might enjoy:

• Cow’s Caress:  1/2 pound bowl of Colby

• Wisconsin Whammy:  American cheddar in a one pound wedge

• Bovine Bounty:  a brick of Velveeta

• Canadian Cradle:  one litre of curdled cheese in a bread bowl

• French Poodle:   a perky sculpture of canine Camembert

• German Castle:  a mound of Muenster

• Buffalo Basher:  1 kilogram of mozzarella on a stick

• Palin Platform:  Swiss cheese on a paper plate

Please be efficient and respectful when ordering, and follow our strict House of Cheese protocols, or our Cheese Nazi will declare, “No cheese for you!”



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