Playing Cat and Mouse

The wizened, paranoid guys who run China are pushing huge advances in the Chinese digital animation industry.  But to what end?

According to documents obtained by this intrepid reporter, the continual problem of controlling its citizens is pushing the Peoples Bullying Party to new extremes.  Just recently two prominent Chinese advocates and legal scholars were prevented from attending a conference in London, because Chinese leaders feared that they might go to Norway for the Nobel Prize award ceremonies.  (Oh no!)  These documents, which were smuggled out of China in the mouth of a yak and are known as the Michi Moss Papers, reveal a stunning scheme:

The Central Committee plans to replace more than a billion of its people with animations.

In this way, the movements of Chinese citizens can be manipulated by a run-of-the-mill Microsoft mouse, and any words desired can be “played” through the on-screen characters.  Record-breaking unit sales of the Wyle-E-Kai-Yo-Tee 5000, a state-of-the-art Chinese 3D animation computer, bears this out.

Like in the movie “The Matrix”, China plans to harvest the heat and electricity from the bodies of its billion-plus population from a warehouse in Sichuan.  This power generating plant, which would make the output of the Three Gorges Dam look like a AAA battery, is to be built by the same contractors who build schools, and should be online by 2015.

According to government official Duk Deez Nee, the mammoth facility under construction on the site of a collapsed school is to be a Peoples Ping Pong Academy.

As stated in the Michi Moss papers, top level government executives have become angry, frustrated and tired of the efforts required to repress its citizens and squash their desires for more freedom, human rights and access to Conan O’Brien.  With ever increasing access to the Internet, the Peoples Bullying Party is finding it more difficult than ever to keep Chinese people from learning how bad they have it, and keeping the trouble makers quiet.  In the interest of promoting “stability and harmony,” transforming its citizenry into computer animations will ameliorate the situation.

This will probably work beautifully, until one day a giant cartoon safe drops on the Central Committee.

 

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