Donald Trump’s Impeachment

January 11, 2021

Donald Trump committed impeachable offenses on Wednesday, January 6th, and for this he must be punished. It’s called for by the Constitution when the president commits “high crimes and misdemeanors.”

Choices are:

  1. 25th Amendment, but that won’t work because Vice President Mike Pence is a coward.
  2. Censure, which is a lame slap on the wrist.
  3. Impeachment
  4. Do nothing.

Choices 1, 2 & 4 are unacceptable, leaving impeachment. Trump is only the 3rd president to have already suffered this permanent ignominy; he would be the first POTUS to be impeached twice, a screamingly large and indelible stain on his legacy, such as it is. He was stung by his first impeachment, and a second would deliver a more severe sting, a murder hornet sting well-deserved for his seditious actions that incited a violent mob to storm and desecrate the Capitol in hopes of overturning a free and fair election.

The impeachment process is like the two-part KA-CHUNK of a shotgun. The “KA” part is like an indictment: the lower chamber of Congress, the House of Representatives, accuses the president of terrible misdeeds, which may or may not be crimes. The “CHUNK” part is like a court trial: the upper chamber of Congress, the Senate, weighs evidence and decides if the president is guilty or not, as if Senators were both judge and jury. If found guilty, that constitutes conviction, and the president is right then and there removed from office, and is no longer POTUS. (The vice president then becomes president.) Trump should have been convicted and removed the first time, but the Senate was controlled by Republicans, who had been pistol-whipped into submission; the cowards, whimpering in fear, did not execute their Constitutional duty.

With a paltry nine days left in his administration, there is not time to perform the full operation of endorsing articles of impeachment in the House, then running a trial in the Senate. But this lack of time need not prevent him from being impeached. There is time for the House, newly inflamed by Trump’s egregious assault on democracy and the separation of powers, to draft and pass one or more articles of impeachment, which as explained above would be a stinging blow, a withering rebuke of this unfit, would-be tyrant.

Once the impeachment articles are passed, he would be the first president in history to be impeached twice. There would not be time to convict him in the Senate, but at least some punishment would have been inflicted. By the time the Senate gets around to holding a trial, perhaps in February or soon after, Trump will no longer be in office. However, a conviction would represent another, perhaps more important layer of punishment, since he would be prevented from holding office in the future. He’s addicted to power, and he harbors a terrible fantasy of being elected to the presidency in 2024, and we can’t let that happen.

He committed grievous acts against our democracy, as surely as did Benedict Arnold, recorded by historians as a traitor. Doing nothing is a terrible option, and Amendment 25 won’t get off the ground, leaving impeachment as the right path. To be twice-impeached labels him permanently as an unfit if not evil specimen of a president, and conviction, even if too late to remove him and prevent him from using his presidential power to do more harm, accomplishes the important goal of sealing him off from a future presidency. Good riddance, Donald.


Unicorns, Cupcakes and Puppies

August 20, 2019


Look at a map of China and see how big it is and where it is. Now remember that China has more people than any other nation. For decades they have been the world’s factory, making things and earning piles of money. They used to be a manufacturing powerhouse (using all those bodies for labor), but they were considered short on design capability and creativity, the norm being the more advanced countries would tell them what to build. The dragon nation has been catching up in creativity and science.

They have also been modernizing in terms of quality. Much of their fortunes were made by cutting corners and slashing costs, so as a result many of their products were extremely shoddy, laughably so on the world market’s stage. (Don’t get me started on instruction manuals in “English” written by Chinese.) Asian competition compelled China to increase quality, an inexorable economic force, and bottomless coffers of government cash have enabled the rapid advance of Chinese research and manufacturing, which are now world-class.

They have also been building up and modernizing their military, making advances in their navy, air force and army — who has the most soldiers in the world? — plus their space-based capabilities are stronger, involving satellites, communications and improved electronic warfare. They have become masters of internet management, disinformation and cultural control. Embedded in god-only-knows how much of the world’s telecomms  hardware and software is Chinese-made equipment used to listen in. They are capable if not menacing, and they play the long game. They could probably buy much of Asia, but taking land and command of the nearby seas — seas through which much of the world’s trade is transported — by force is another option. Communist Party leaders want China to be dominant in the future, dominant as a people, as opposed to most greedy leaders nowadays who hunger for dominance not as a people but by specific people, namely themselves.

From all that manufacturing wealth they are in many ways a kind of international bank, loaning cash outright to neighboring Asian countries or in Africa, thereby gaining advantage. Also, they will offer to build mega-infrastructure projects in foreign countries using Chinese companies and financing, but with many geopolitical strings attached. A strategic intangible is that China has a historical chip on its shoulder. The proud ‘Goliath’ China had been bested by the much smaller ‘David’ of Japan, left miserably ashamed in the dirt. China feels like it has been slighted by history and deserves more, more respect, more power, more everything.


Look at Europe, and consider that it’s about to be ripped apart by the United Kingdom’s self-inflicted amputation — a limb severed with a hacksaw — from the European Union of prosperous countries such as Germany, France and Holland. This team of European nations, also including Austria, Italy, Spain, Belgium, Denmark, Sweden and more than a dozen others, had not only built a very successful trade federation of sorts, but also a defensive arrangement. This coalition made it more difficult for an outsider to be aggressive, since the others on the team had promised to help fight back if one of their number were attacked.

The United Kingdom is about to be led by the lad Boris Johnson, who is as egotistical and incompetent as Donald Trump, and as the UK tears itself off from the EU, there will be considerable turmoil and chaos, crashing markets and currencies, and plunging the former Great Britain into a status far less great. All of Europe will be dragged down, will suffer. Hardship will inflame nationalist passions and stability will dissolve. As Europe convulses, predators will seize the opportunity, wolves plucking ailing sheep from the herd. Russia hungers for its Soviet days of power and influence — much like China hungers for its former glory — and Vladimir Putin is the smartest and greediest direwolf among that species, more deadly than anything found in Siberia. Putin wants more of Europe and the Arctic, but while it might not be able to buy it like China could, Russia also has the option to take what it wants by force and/or political maneuvering. (Where have the greatest chess players come from? Russia.)


Here in the United States we are anything but united, led by a racial arsonist madman whose best friend is an enchanted mirror that tells him he is greater and more wonderful than he really is. Trump is an empty black hole of narcissism and insecurity, craving attention and adoration constantly to be shoveled in, in spite of the fact that the hole can never be filled. Loathsome and disgusting in every way, devoid of human sentiments such as empathy or shame, using truth as a malleable tool and tweets as weapons, he has drugged millions of Americans into thinking he is a saint. These GOPedophiles somehow think he’s a saint, in spite of his incompetence, his hatred, racism, bigotry and misogyny, his ignorance, and the sneering behavior of a 7th grade schoolyard bully. He remains in power because he uses the White House as a privileged filling station for the wealthy, filling the tanks of the titanic armored black SUVs that are corporate America. In order to make more money, these corporations flash a credit card (their Trump card) and suddenly they can mine national parks, drill for oil or gas anywhere they damn please, dump corrosive chemical effluents into lakes and rivers, and kill any endangered species that gets in their way.

The health of the air, water and land — and the living creatures found there — are of no consequence, problems only for the little people. “We the people” are the little people who suffer from this assault on our environment. We are also under assault from among ourselves because we haven’t evolved our thinking enough to understand that there is only one race of people, and that is Earthlings; there exists no basis for a ranking system of human beings based on skin color, in spite of what the racist/white supremacist morons think; we are all the same sentient bags of meat.

China, if you will recall, has more of these sentient bags of meat than any other country, and meat bags need food and water, plus a little air so that it can marinate. The Chinese will grow in number, and like locusts will take over territory, regardless of existential constructs such as international borders. Like locusts they will consume scarce resources like water, food and rare earth elements. Their military will guard them and protect them, these insatiable creatures inhaling earthly cultures and life like the Borg on Star Trek consumed planets.

Europe and the Americas will erupt in civil and uncivil wars, suffering due to economic decline adding fear to countries tearing themselves apart internally by the cancerous forces of racism and nationalism, as if throwing themselves into the cannibal’s pot to be eaten. China and Russia, the superpowers of the future, will expand as the United States, and former Asian and European nations all fade into obscurity. Africa will suffer further, even while it becomes hotter and less habitable.

Short-term-focused greedy bastards shun the climate scientists, global warming burns the forests, throw more crap into the atmosphere and melts the ice that helped to keep the planet alive, and the remaining land and the people on it will cook until the fires are put out by the rising oceans. The wealthy will think they’re safe in the obscenely expensive fantasy bubbles they will construct, until math catches up with them.

I’ll be dead by then, thank god. But as for right now, the next twenty-five or so years for those unlucky enough to not be dead will be dreadful.


“Good night, Mrs Calabash.”

The Photo That Changed a Million Voters

August 12, 2019


What led to this repulsive, infamous photo? (#ElPasoPhotoOp) Publicly, President Trump claimed to have gone to El Paso to visit those who were wounded during yet another heavily armed, racial hatred-filled shooting spree, which again killed too many innocent people. It would have been an altruistic effort to help them heal, a kind and benevolent act. A human with empathy could share their pain and suffering, which ordinarily would make people feel better. But Trump does not possess or experience empathy, and is closer to a reptile than a human.

There Be Dragons

He wanted maximum exposure, viewing the whole affair as a photo op for as many cameras as possible. He was recorded on a patient’s phone mentioning crowd size as an important concern for him, which seems inappropriate for what should have been a sensitive and somber hospital visit. His own staffers decided to eschew a stampede of cameras in deference to the wounded and their families desirous of privacy; this of course made Trump angry, because most of all he wanted lots of camera coverage, the feelings of the wounded be damned.


Trump’s brain processes optics, images, how things look. His focus is on the surface, nothing more subtle than that, doesn’t think about consequences. He wanted to be photographed with wounded people, but of the 8 or 10 victims being treated at the hospital, they either refused to appear with him, or they were in no condition to do so. This infuriated Trump, who needed other humans to appear in the frame, more as leveraged props than sentient beings. So he decided on the baby, Paul Anchondo, orphaned as he parents tried to shield him from the hail of bullets. The baby had been released and sent home from the hospital with relatives, but Trump must have barked, “Bring me the baby!” (The baby couldn’t say ‘no’ but you might have imagined that a White House staffer would have said, “Sir, this is a bad idea.”) Having Melania hold the child instead of Donald gave her the chance to appear maternal — the president is famously germophobic, so holding an actual baby is not something we would have done — but of course all eyes would be on Donald the man, Donald the president, Donald the grinning idiot giving the totally-wrong-for-the-moment thumbs up.

He often complains about “not getting enough credit” for his actions, but in this case, he deserves all the credit for this horrible photo, this weaponizing of a baby for publicity. He gave himself another medal.


A Little Reading

July 25, 2019


The United States plunges into madness and chaos, imprisoned in a trumpocracy because Americans wouldn’t do a little reading. The Mueller Report was “too long” and we the people didn’t see that it was as plain as the Trump on your TV that the president had committed crimes. Actual documented crimes, and repeatedly broke the law. And should have been removed as the Framers intended, the impeachment process being the only legitimate way to remove a president from office. Nixon had stared down that barrel, and folded. Trump wouldn’t allow himself to fold, as that would have made him look weak, in Roy Cohn’s mind. On the shoulders of expendable loyalists he placed himself above the law, the reality TV celebrity reinvented as the reality president. At first that is, then one presidential term became another. One of King Trump’s first actions was to ban all newspapers and books, since reading makes the populace smarter. And dictators don’t like smart people, because they don’t believe what would-be dictators tell them.



Democrats hoped for a spinal injection from Robert Mueller, for whom tasteless theatrical promo was too much, not his forte and not needed. He had done his job, and written it all down. Where no one saw it. Because they would have had to do a little reading. Oh, and had some guts. Crap.



The Rape of the Constitution

April 29, 2019

Dateline 2030:

Following Donald Trump’s rape and murder of the US Constitution in 2024, the former United States experienced a major convulsion. The reformed country — “Trump Nation” — consisted of most of the eastern half of the old US, plus many of the states which had formed the old Midwest and the South. The more liberal West Coast refused to go along and became ‘Pacifica,’ while a handful of defiantly independent New England states such as Maine declared themselves sovereign entities. Trump Nation was a mirror of his original political base, predominantly and unabashedly white, with only hand-picked blacks like Herman Cain encouraged to stay. Non-white black and brown people were driven out of their homes by gun-toting white men brandishing flaming torches, and told to find new addresses in another country. Asians tended to drift away north and west.


Using his customary frightful bullying bluster, Trump forced the Supreme Court and the military to swear allegiance to him, and once he had done that, he said he didn’t need Congress anymore. Hillary Clinton was thrown into jail in Alexandria, VA, while Paul Manafort, Michael Cohen, Roger Stone, George Papadopoulos and Michael Flynn were all pardoned. On July 4th, he declared himself President for Life.


After the Mueller Report was buried, critics such as Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff, Jerrold Nadler and Elijah Cummings were politically neutered, and with his enemies in jail, Trump began to feel like his old self. His new security force, the Jackals, was headed by Devin Nunes and Stephen Miller. Soon the Jackals eradicated all those government employees deemed not loyal enough to Trump, leaving a lean apparatus perfectly suited to autocracy. A new national flag was created — a modified Confederate flag emblazoned with a large gold ‘T’ — and walls were erected on the borders with Mexico, Canada, Pacifica and those feisty New England states.


George Conway, Kellyanne Conway’s husband, left her and started a marijuana law firm and plantation in Oregon. San Francisco became the new center of global international relations, joining old and establishing new trade, defense, climate change and human rights treaties and agreements, while Trump Nation pursued an ardent, anachronistic  isolationism. Seattle became the new world nexus of computer software, multilingualism and book shops — featuring real books. Pacifica began to look like the “Ecotopia” of the 1975 novel, a sort of haven of democracy and green living. (As well as the common cannabis use and relaxed attitudes on sex imagined in Callenbach’s book.)  Temperatures in Trump Nation are climbing faster than earlier scientific predictions, while Pacifica is stabilizing, with signs of dropping, thanks to earnest green efforts, an abundance of trees and an embrace of science. Maine and the ‘Live Free or Die’ states enjoy robust gains in fishing, due to alliances with Canada as northern Atlantic fish stocks improve, signaling a bigger gain in the ability to feed their own than the baked and fried southern and midwest states. In the traditional cattle-raising and farming states like Kansas, Iowa and Texas, crops wither and livestock die from the heat. Some see the diminution and taint of drinking water as a real concern, but only a few worry about that.

Trump nationalized all the TV and online new organizations, forming one big propaganda machine run by Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Sanders and Steve Bannon. Fox News became the backbone of the new TrumpTV, where the president is featured 24/7. The brains, manpower and passion for an independent free press fled Washington DC and New York City, and formed in Boston, where Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez became the mayor. (Independent newspapers flourish in Pacifica.)

Trump dissolved Congress with a great deal of pomp & circumstance, including a big military parade through downtown Washington DC. His fourth wife, the hot former NRA babe Dana Loesch (below), administered the Trumpian Oath of Office in front of the largest crowd ever assembled to witness a presidential inauguration.


Donald Trump had never been so happy. He was President for Life and was the star of the biggest reality TV show on earth. His children each owned 10% of Trump Nation, and he played golf with the world’s other great leaders: Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, Nicolás Maduro, Abdel Fattah el-Sisi and Xi Jingping. Trump was fat and happy, and no one could stop him.




The Perils of Butina

April 24, 2019


The Russians are expert in gathering and implementing intelligence. Masters of manipulation. Most of history’s greatest chess champions came from Russia; does that suggest something? They can even transform vulnerable Americans into unwitting Russian spies, or if not “spies,” carefully crafted pipelines of info known as “intelligence assets.”  Often these assets, these people, are identified as having weaknesses (gambling, kinky sex, need for flattery) that could be exploited, a future chess piece that does not even know they are part of this pipeline, delivering knowledge that Russians see value in, even if the duped American does not. Some Americans are overly proud that they are too smart to become duped by Russians…


Not enough is said about Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin’s past as a spy. He grew up in the KGB, Russia’s infinitely assiduous national security force, where his specialty was counter-intelligence. As the tumult of East Germany and then the Russian coup of ’91 shook the ground, he shifted into politics, hitching his wagon to winners, which led to Moscow. There he rose in power via escalating presidential staff positions, and then in ’98 became director of the FSB, the KGB’s spawn.

Trump-Putin summit in Helsinki

He became Russia’s president on the last day of 1999, and immediately decreed that his successor would not be prosecuted for corruption charges. (He is nicely attuned to Trump, as you can see.) Much of Mother Russia’s vast oil, gas and mineral resources were looted by cronies of Moscow’s powerful, and there’s no doubt Putin’s own bank accounts expanded. The details of those secrets, similar to the perceived protection of Trump’s financial secrets, are probably secured deep within the fortress by the Moskva River in the Kremlin. He has been president for twenty years and runs the largest country in the world with a very sure and aggressive hand. Putin looks at the world map like the classic Hasbro board game Risk, and he has been successful in building his empire in Europe and elsewhere. He is always watching, thinking, planning, maneuvering. After all his experience (and accompli$hment) he is basically a spy, one who likes to be in charge. We need to look into Trump’s taxes — we must follow the money — to learn more of the extent of Putin’s influence over the patsy sitting at the poker table.



We Must Impeach Trump

April 22, 2019


President Donald Trump must be impeached. To not begin the process is to allow Trump to get away with it, to get away with the rampant corruption and abuses of power listed in Mueller’s report. The impeachment process begins with an investigation by Congress, called for completely, convincingly and overwhelmingly now that the Mueller report has been placed in Americans’ hands. The damning evidential revelations of lying, forcing others to lie, his crystal clear efforts to obstruct the investigation into him and his campaign, the eagerness to get a leg-up from Russia, and his utter contempt for the rule of law all laid bare by the report, are as loud an endorsement to impeach as a July 4th marching band.


Some say impeachment can’t win. Some say that the House might well draft articles of impeachment, pat themselves on the back and send them to the Senate for trial, where the tribal kool-aid cult of Senate Republicans will acquit the defendant. I contend that energizing Congress to begin the process is a significant kind of success, sending an indelible signal to the reptiles in the Trump Administration that the era of lawlessness with impunity is ending. Forging the base and barrel of the impeachment cannon sends a shot across the bow, a very arresting and dangerous signal that impeachment and removal is a very clear and present danger to his presidency. Congress has been bullied away from its oversight duties, but throwing a punch at the bully — they never expect it — scares the ogre and changes the relationship.


Since impeachment’s first phase is investigation, I bet that the House would turn up more concrete evidence of Trump’s high crimes and misdemeanors, injecting a virtuous viagra into American public opinion. More than half the country knows without a shred of doubt already that Trump is corrupt to his core and poses a terrifying risk to American democracy. An impeachment investigation that reveals more loathsome and unpatriotic behavior could more than tip the scales of opinion for the immediate removal of this unfit man from the presidency. (Many more in his administration deserve impeachment and removal.) Politicians live and die by the polls, and many Republican congressmen are up for reelection soon — the GOP may decide that this mindless, destructive zombie loyalty to Trump is political suicide. He’s had his tumultuous time and now his time is up.


The United States of America has suffered a nearly fatal blow to its respectability and gravitas overseas — remember that the UN General Assembly laughed at Trump — as well as the pounding our national security and intelligence apparatus has taken, from Trump’s spurious, bullying insults to completely unqualified sycophants receiving security clearances. Increases in short-term money have flowed to fatcats while long-term the air, water and land gets more dangerously polluted for our children and grandchildren, as regulations that protect us were torn down by Trump’s friends. The dumbest and most delusional one in the Jacuzzi with Putin, Xi and Kim, Trump’s smile is the biggest, no surprise as he’s the prey. Black-hearted people like Sarah Sanders, Kellyanne Conway and the maltrumpian spinners smile into the camera and lie effortlessly, protecting the president from the piercing of a free press pursuing its mandate of uncovering facts; the world’s free press, among which the US should stand tallest, has also been wounded horribly, as autocrats stomp on the right for people to know the truth.

As a surgeon uses his or her skill to further the quality of life of patients, we must remove this cancerous blight, and then encourage healing.

I Once Shared a Cigarette With Kim Jong-un

February 27, 2019


He took my lighter, which still riles me. I mean, as rich as he is, and he stole it. Anyway, I was at a conference for superhero crime-fighters, in disguise as a reporter covering superhero crime-fighting conferences, in Interlaken. It’s a quiet and scenic town in Switzerland, between two lakes. (That’s what the inter-laken means.) Kim was in town to visit old friends and stock up on Raclette, one of those luxury habits he picked up while going to private school there. Like the rest of the family, they were too good to go to school in North Korea.

Cooks who did not melt and scrape the Raclette cheese just right onto the roast potatoes were shot. To go with the dish he preferred the Swiss, French and Italian wines closest in color to the blood of the chefs that ran onto the carpet. He had stepped outside his hotel suite for a cigarette, just as I was making my way down a secret restricted hallway. He respected the size of the handgun on my belt, and didn’t lift an eyebrow, except to say, “Got a light?” in clumsy Chinese, his way of hiding his identity. We shared a few puffs, for me sweetened by the knowledge that this didn’t happen very often with “Jongie.” If your lighter is solid gold, the gift of a king whose life you saved, since modified to shoot a laser and fire pin-sized darts, you don’t decide to offer it to others lightly. But I recognized him and played along. Just at that moment his sister appeared and hissed “Who’s that?” in Korean. Behind her were journalists thundering our way, plus security people and hotel managers I didn’t wish to socialize with, so I looked at him expectantly and held my hand out. He looked back with a “Screw you” smile knowing perfectly well he could have had me filled with holes, like Swiss cheese. (The Swiss don’t eat the crap we call Swiss cheese. They are too smart.) I cursed in Gaelic and flew away down the hall, right before the first bullets hit behind me. I knew I would never see that lighter again. With any luck he would shoot himself with a dart or a laser beam. Serve the little bastard right.

Donald Trump’s Repetitive Problem with Repetition

February 21, 2019


Why is Donald Trump’s discourse so filled with repetition repetition? If you listen to him talking — talking off the cuff, not reading someone else’s words from a TelePrompter — he constantly repeats words and phrases. You can also read transcripts of his public speaking and interviews with the press — there is constant repetition. Why? I have a theory. I don’t believe that Trump himself believes what he is saying is important. He says what pops into his head as advantageous to him, a crude transactional output that he thinks his audience wants to hear, or that he thinks hurts his enemies — what is helpful for Trump, in other words. I believe that what is important to Trump is that he is talking.


In a room with others, where other people are speaking, such as a group of European leaders, he sits and sulks; he is not the center of attention so he is miffed. (He is exactly like a small child who doesn’t like being ignored.) I don’t think it matters to him what he is saying, as long as he is the one doing the talking. That’s where the repetition comes in: he is in essence extending the time he is talking. (Quality is vastly outweighed by quantity; his vocabulary is very small, and his style is crudely simple.) There are some who claim this repetition is an oratory technique, trying to get the thought across to others might be aided by the repetition, similar to how a salesman knows it is propitious to repeat a client’s name. Strip away the words and phrases repeated multiple times and you reduce the length of time he has the mic by more than half, which is for him undesirable. Donald Trump, still the spoiled child from six decades ago, wants to be the center of attention, and the way to do that is by talking, certainly not by listening. Repetition allows him to extend and stretch out the length of time his mouth is open and noises are coming out — the center of attention — which for him is paramount. This theory applies also to Kellyanne Conway, for whom what she says is less important than the fact that she is talking. Her prodigious word salad is filled with crap, distortion,  distraction and lies, rather than honest answers to questions, so in a way, for both Trump and Conway, they are ‘winning’ as long as they are talking, since that is the stronger position than listening, which is for losers.


All Hail the Clambake

February 10, 2019


Bing Crosby would be turning over in his grave, looking for long winter underwear. At the charity golf tournament he founded in the late 1930’s as a getaway for his celebrity buddies, his “booze-soaked Clambake” pro-am at Pebble Beach, he was used to sunny skies and warmth, the only cold being the ice in the ubiquitous cocktails. This morning the tournament was suspended and delayed due to hail. Hail.


The staging area for Bing’s Clambake was golf’s west coast mecca triumvirate featuring storied Pebble Beach Golf Links, Spyglass Hill Club, and Monterey Peninsula Country Club, all within a mile of each other and featuring spectacular views of the Pacific. The neighborhood, as you might imagine, was populated by big Hollywood names and the wealthy, happy not only to rub elbows with Crosby and his coterie, but also to host after-golf parties, sometimes lasting all night, hungover players staggering off to morning tee times having stayed up all night getting hickeys from Hollywood’s most beautiful actresses.


For most of the local California universe it wasn’t about golf so much as a 24/7 party that happened to also generate charity funds. But in 1956 the Clambake served as a backdrop for one of the all-time great matches in golf history, related in riveting detail in Mark Frost’s wonderful book, “The Match: The Day the Game of Golf Changed Forever“. Frost has written a variety of important books on golf’s history, including “The Grand Slam: Bobby Jones, America and the Story of Golf“, and “The Greatest Game Ever Played: Harry Vardon, Francis Ouimet, and the Birth of Modern Golf“. This last book told the story of the impossible 1913 US Open golf tournament, when a 20-year old amateur, who grew up across the street from the golf course where the tournament was played, shocked the world when he defeated the two biggest professional golf champions of the era, Harry Vardon and Ted Ray. (Vardon is still the only player in history to win The Open Championship — aka the British Open — an astonishing six times.)

In 1913, Francis Ouimet’s caddie was the irrepressible, 10-year-old Eddie Lowery. By the 1950’s Lowery had become a millionaire car dealer, and he and his rich buddies were fond of big-money betting. Lowery and his friend George Coleman made a bet on a seminal golf match, pitting the two most famous pro golfers of the time, Byron Nelson and Ben Hogan (Nelson long retired and Hogan entering the twilight of his career), against two outstanding young amateurs, Harvie Ward and Ken Venturi. This private match was played in the background shadows while the “official” clambake pro-am was going on. Ward was an “inveterate playboy who performed hungover on two hours’ sleep” winning the US, British and Canadian amateur titles, and starring on Walker Cup teams; he had a brief pro career, enjoying more success as a club pro, becoming the teacher of future golf great Payne Stewart. Ken Venturi won the California State Amateur Championship twice, and nearly became the first amateur to win the Masters Tournament a few months later, leading after the first, second and third rounds, losing — coming in second — only after a dreadful final round. Venturi enjoyed a successful pro career (including a US Open win), then changed jobs and became a famous golf color commentator for some 35 years.


Frost’s story of the match between the two old pros — Hogan and Nelson — and the two young amateurs — Ward and Venturi — is one to savor. Lots of golf history, sure, and detailed match coverage, but which “is less interesting than the people involved and the historical backdrop. The match happened near the sport’s great cusp, as it transitioned from something for amateurs to a professional career, from a pastime for wastrel aristocrats and entertainers … to a mainstream suburban obsession.” You should read this book whether you’re a golf fan or not. You’ll thank me. You’ll want to send me some clams.